Prof. Adrian Marian ROȘAN Director of the Department of Special Psychopedagogy, Faculty of Psychology and Educational Sciences, "Babes Bolay" University of Cluj Napoca is an expert in the fields of Developmental Psychology in Childhood and Adolescence, Cognitive Stimulation Methods for Children with Cognitive Disabilities, Curriculum Adaptation, School Violent Behavior, Methodology of Psychopedagogical Research.

As a parent, I have often noticed that we tend to treat the child as a disease, in the sense that from the intrauterine stage we access a multitude of tests, treatments, information and training programs. In what way does this preparation of the parent for the birth of a child have an impact on the child's subsequent healthy development? I'd like you to tell us more about what a parent should or shouldn't be concerned about in their child's development, what are the most common behavioral disorders that occur in children and how we can prevent or ameliorate them.

Any child that comes into our lives comes with a genetic basis that we pass on from our forefathers and ancestors and comes with a purpose, it will clearly have a mission in this life. A mother must not apply these super-negative principles from the moment she becomes pregnant: will it have a disease, a disability, will it be according to the expectations I have made for myself in beautifully colored pictures! Every child has a name and will have a personality, very much influenced by this parenting style that we have from the moment of conception, from the moment we know we are going to have a child, from the moment we want it. Parenting style can be influenced by all kinds of fear markers "that it will be bad and it won't be good". We obviously have a lot of techniques at our fingertips to monitor risks, but these should be used in the best interests of the child, not to reduce the kinds of anxieties that we have from our lives, our values and our choices... Often we take a manual in our hand and we check in, we check off: in a few months he does or doesn't do a certain thing. A psychological principle shows that we are always on a range of behaviors, of experiences, we are not in a fixed point, we always have a dimension on which each person moves qualitatively, according to the genetic base, according to the situations through which he or she passes and according to the intentions that we sow.

When should a parent worry about their child's development?

Children give us signals through behavioral indicators, which we just need to pay attention to because they can guide us. But we don't always have to give these signals negative connotations. Emotions have two dimensions: the level of activation and the value, positive or negative. So if we always have negative anticipations, this will obviously be felt by the child.

Signs that can be interpreted can be various, such as avoiding eye contact or looking together at an object, but these can only have diagnostic value after it has been very well observed. Parents are just as reliable a source of diagnosis as developmental scales or other tests if they give themselves enough time to observe with warmth and genuine love, i.e. loving as we are, with our own profile, not creating an artificial, textbook environment.

Perhaps the most common educational and medical diagnosis for children is ADHD....

We need to differentiate between symptoms and diagnoses. We shouldn't rush to a diagnosis of ADHD just because it's simple agitation. There are many misdiagnoses, such as ADHD. A child with ADHD will always have average or above average intelligence. A hyperactive child is one who fails to inhibit their overbearing response, persisting in error. I see it more as a deficit in executive functions such as planning or monitoring. We need to differentiate between symptoms and reactions to certain situations, and this confusion between signs and the disorder as such are very common.

A child who isn't given time will be restless to get their parents' attention, but that doesn't mean they have ADHD.

If we find that a child is inattentive and we have ruled out hearing problems we have to ask ourselves what exactly we are asking them to do and it remains unanswered. If we ask a 4 year old to instantly pick up his toys because a visitor appears and he doesn't listen, the problem is with us, not him. We have to be careful what and when we ask a child, what rules for predictability we give them. The expectations we give to a child can create predictions that don't come true, such as that going to a child's name day with a present will be a pleasant experience that will make the birthday boy or girl happy. This episode is likely to turn out exactly the opposite, the birthday boy or girl will disregard it, be interested in another present, and there may even be a shoving match, so this experience will have a negative resonance, nothing we anticipated is happening. The child will feel frustration, anger, regulated by an artificial expectation induced by the parents themselves.

We very often give children the message that life is safe, fair and full of unconditional love. But life can be just the opposite. That's why we're practically taught to turn the other cheek, hoping we won't get hit. A correct message is that life does not only give us positive emotions. Children are suggestible and also need to be confronted with negative emotions to prepare them for life.

How does the school influence the occurrence and development of adjustment and behavioral disorders in children, what else could be done?

 Every child has a talent, this must be stimulated from an early age, otherwise it can lead to emotional disturbances. Performance should not be inhibited by comparisons, every child can have a unique performance. We are not a test score, comparisons between hundredths of a grade mean absolutely nothing. If parenting takes you to all the activities: piano, German, karate, mathematics, the only goal I achieve is that I will be tired... It is falsely said that today's children are not curious, in fact they are very tired. Today's children process visual images from a very young age, that is their reading genre, that is why today's children don't read. We need to recognize these realities and use them for educational purposes. Good measurement results from emotional balance, we must not be hypocritical.

I have shown you that in Iasi we have developed an evaluation tool on the fish-fish, a very colorful book that arouses immediate interest in children. It is surprising that even children with speech problems, selective mutism, were actively involved and commented with interest on the characters in the book. Do you think there is enough work being done with children, do we have today's attention assessment tools that are attractive enough?

There is a need for tools that motivate and appeal to children at a perceptual level, which they interpret as being particularly dedicated to them, helping and stimulating them. At the same time it should be a multidisciplinary tool, easy for everyone to use. The anglerfish can be such a tool for early identification and training of skills that are essential for later harmonious development.

Thank you for being one of our valued Antiparenting friends!

I really am a friend of Antiparenting based on evidence, based on experience, based on what I believe in. We're not doing an image exercise, it's our beliefs that we express on a scientific, less emotional basis. When emotion is highly activated and its valence seems very positive to us, we always think we are right, but it's good to take a moment to reflect and then express things without the de-sensitivity that is specific to what sells today.

Source: Antiparenting.ro